I've been watching something in and out of the dojo. People will cling to a way of doing things, or way of seeing things that hurts them and holds them back. In judo the guys learn to be stiff and push their way around the dojo. When we try to get them to learn subtlety, they resist. Advancing beyond the stage they've reached requires working on things they don't do well. They don't want to let go of what they have to grasp something of greater value. It's easier to keep going at a low level of mediocrity. Learning seems to require so much more effort than maintaining their current level that they don't want to risk the effort.
I see this outside the dojo nearly every day. People cling to anger or ways of looking at the world, regardless of the pain it causes them. If you suggest they change a little, they tell you "I can't change." What's sad is that we all change a little bit everyday. None of us are fossilized and unchanging. Life changes us a little each day. What these folks are really saying is "I have no control over how I change and develop." They choose to let life shape them without any effort to choose how they will change. If they choose, they can develop, but this requires taking responsibility for themselves and what they become. It's easier to just role along and say "This is what I am and I can't change it." I haven't figured out what drives this. My last post was "Pain is good." These folks seem to cling to their pain out of fear of letting it go.